My son just wrote an essay in which he was asked to describe his family. The word he chose was “unified,� explaining that we like to do things together, sometimes just reading in the same room. This past week my daughter sent me an E-vite, requesting our attendance at a musical show that she and her two brothers were planning to perform at the house. By no means are we the “Little House on the Prairie� family, but because we don’t watch television, our children have become accustomed to devising their own entertainment. (I hate television! It robs children of the opportunity to explore other creative outlets, and it deprives families of their time together.) I’m passionate about the importance of spending a lot of time with family. Always be mindful of figuring out ways in which you can maximize the amount of time you spend with them. The days are long, but the time is short.

My 16-year-old son and several friends have started a Friday evening card club. My husband believes it is better to have them at home on a Friday night than out on the town. While they never place bets of more than a dollar or two, this early gambling concerns me.

Not only did my husband support my son when he started playing poker, he gave him tips on how to play! Poker is often about male bonding, pitting one’s wits against others, and learning to develop strategy—but when money comes into it, I worry. When my son lost $20, he would stop playing for the evening. I was happy when he lost, because winning sends the message that it’s easy to make a lot of money very quickly. Gambling is an addiction, and the possibility of easy money fuels the addiction cycle. Why not play for chips instead of money? Gambling is a form of luck, and life isn’t about luck—you take your luck into your own hands, you don’t wait for it to happen.

My 2-year-old recently began a separated preschool program two days per week. Our nanny dropped him off and picked him up for the first month without incident. Out of the blue, my son has suddenly begun crying for his nanny when she is off. Several times he has asked, “Who will take care of me now?� How can I reassure him?

When my children were very young, I realized that while the nanny was bathing the kids, I was cooking dinner! We reversed roles, and that’s when everything changed. You might want to reconsider both your responsibilities and your nanny’s. I wanted my children to know that I was the primary caregiver: I always pushed the carriage, changed the diapers and dealt with the overtired tears. By the same token, the fact that a child misses a nanny means that he loves the nanny. That’s healthy and a good thing. You suspect these new fears are linked to the nursery school drop-off. Some educators believe that because separation from the parent is at issue when a child starts school, it’s the parent who needs to actually do the drop off and the pick-up. If you pick up, it reassures him that you do come back and that you will always take care of him.

My family traditionally spends the entire evening gathered together in front of the television set. I would like to set some boundaries with regards to the number of viewing hours and come up with some other ways to spend time with one another.

I think “boundaries� is the operative word here. You have to decide if you’re going to turn the television on or not, and stick to it. How to spend family time is a matter of being creative and opening yourself to possibilities. Sitting around and reading books together, listening to music, baking a cake, doing a household task—the activity is less important than being together and directly communicating with one another. While sometimes parents must organize activities, if you do so every night, you’re doing the same thing that the television does: not allowing your children to figure it out on their own. Turn the television off, and don’t provide an alternative—and see what they come up with.

Founded by Pamela Wolf in September of 2001, the New York Kids Club has grown to become New York’s premiere enrichment center for children 6 months-12 years. She has paired her extensive business background with her experience as a mother of four to establish six New York Kids Club locations.

Write to Pam at: pwolf@nykidsclub.com

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